Thinking Humbly

Being a person of typically low self-esteem, I never thought I'd have to watch myself on pride. In fact, prideful people are very difficult for me to get along with. And yet like David convicting himself in his own sin as revealed by Nathan in 2 Samuel 12, I find myself in that very position. I've found pride sneaking up on me from the unlikeliest of places. Regardless of what I am prideful for, it's still something that I'm disappointed for allowing myself to slip into. And yet, it was probably more evident to those outside myself long before it revealed its conviction in me.

"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." -1 Corinthians 8:1(NIV)

Ever since I've rediscovered that I have a capable mind (I once knew it at a much younger age when I didn't require the help of teachers to learn new concepts), I have returned to the pleasures of learning. Unfortunately, I'm best tuned in when I am prescribed a medication for my A.D.D. (I'm currently taking Straterra). I'm able to focus much more acutely into the things I read and can understand things more readily. My mind isn't scattered into multiple directions and interests. I'm able to finish books that I start and digest them well.
I've begun to realise that my opinions do not always match up to my fellow Christians, and having read the books that support my own conclusions from scripture, I have become more concrete in my beliefs. But regardless of what I believe, I cannot expect for others what I've come to find as a "higher standard of truth" to have the same hold it has taken on me. In fact, most of the time that I share my findings, I'm given a strong opposition.
And yet my hunger for knowledge of God continues to grow. In a way, I fancy it as how I can love God with all my mind.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."- 1 Corinthians 13:2(NIV)

I've recently begun reading "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas A. Kempis and what I read in those first few chapters was a much needed humbling. Below is just one such chapter:

HAVING A HUMBLE OPINION OF SELF

Every man naturally desires knowledge; but what good is knowledge without fear of God? Indeed a humble rustic who serves God is better than a proud intellectual who neglects his soul to study the course of the stars. He who knows himself well becomes mean in his own eyes and is not happy when praised by men.
If I knew all things in the world and had not charity, what would it profit me before God Who will judge me by my deeds?
Shun too great a desire for knowledge, for in it there is much fretting and delusion. Intellectuals like to appear learned and to be called wise. Yet there are many things the knowledge of which does little or no good to the soul, and he who concerns himself about other things than those which lead to salvation is very unwise.
Many words do not satisfy the soul; but a good life eases the mind and a clean conscience inspires great trust in God.
The more you know and the better you understand, the more severely will you be judged, unless your life is also the more holy. Do not be proud, therefore, because of your learning or skill. Rather, fear because of the talent given you. If you think you know many things and understand them well enough, realize at the same time that there is much you do not know. Hence, do not affect wisdom, but admit your ignorance. Why prefer yourself to anyone else when many are more learned, more cultured than you?
If you wish to learn and appreciate something worth while, then love to be unknown and considered as nothing. Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel. To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others is the best and most perfect wisdom. Wherefore, if you see another sin openly or commit a serious crime, do not consider yourself better, for you do not know how long you can remain in good estate. All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself.

I've also sought to hold myself to the high standard of Christ. Sadly, this can also sneak up as a self-righteousness, or a holier-than-thou attitude. It was not my intention to behave in this way, but only out of a desire to live with a clear conscience (not that I am without my struggles, but I have had a better time of dealing with them since confessing them and being held accountable to them- both Biblical ways of overcoming sin). In fact, I find that the more I strive toward this holiness, like knowledge which as you acquire more, you realise just how much you are lacking. And in comparison to God's great holiness, I lack greatly. Thank Him for Christ, who makes up the difference on our behalf.
What brought me to the realisation of my lack of humility was my thoughts on the following verse:

"Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."-Romans 12:3(NIV)

And so I should seek to be more of a servant to others. I should seek out how to love my neighbour as myself. And in this pursuit of loving others, I should gain more of a knowledge of God.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God." -Phil. 1:9-11(NIV)

One only has to look up 'knowledge' in the concordance to see a great many verses dedicated to this subject, so I will not deny seeking out knowledge for myself, but to realise that I should remain humble in light of the fact that God has created all there is to know, and all Truth originates in Him.

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."- Colossians 2:2-3(NIV)